She Wonders
by Sheytune
Summary: The aftermath of The End in the Beginning


**Note:** I still don't own Bones.

* * *

She sometimes wonders at how much her life has changed - how much all of their lives have changed- in the past two months.

At first, they were stunned - by the hallucinations, by the quick surgery, and then by the amnesia. Time has dulled the shock, but the change remains.

He still doesn't remember much from the past 5 years. He remembers his son, and has adjusted to the fact that Parker is 5 years older than he remembers. She knows he mourns the loss of those years, but he has accepted it for now. He remembers her. They have been friends - and sometimes more - for much longer than 5 years. She drops by to visit most days, and she sees his face light up when he sees her. He is living in a strange world where nothing makes sense, and a familiar face is always welcome. She doesn't stay long - she is a parent now, and she needs to make sure Michelle is cared for - but she wants him to know that he's not alone, and that she is still his friend. They talk about what has changed in her life - her job at the Jeffersonian, her daughter, her family. She tells him about the things that have changed in his life - Jared's move to D.C., his work with the Jeffersonian, Jared's dishonourable discharge, memorable cases he has worked.

He is working hard to get his life back. He has a standing appointment with Sweets every day. He visits sites around Washington. He goes to the diner for breakfast. He has been in to his office at the FBI, and has visited the Jeffersonian. It was quiet the day he visited the Jeffersonian, and she wonders if it would have jogged his memory had Hodgins been in the middle of some crazy experiment.

The squints have been good about visiting. Angela and Hodgins are together again - she wonders if she should invest in the fire hose she considered last time - and they usually visit together. Although he doesn't remember them, he has seen pictures and asked hundreds of questions, and he wants to spend time with them. There's a bit of reserve on his part, but Angela is so outgoing that most of the time it is hardly noticeable.

Wendell visits occasionally, and he and Jared come over to watch the game every couple of weeks - men bonding over sports. She thinks that Booth enjoys that - it's undemanding and familiar, and there's not that much history that he has forgotten.

Brennan is the one she worries about. She knows they had started off at odds, competing for dominance, but over time they had become friends of a sort. Brennan has taken Booth's amnesia very hard.

This isn't a shock. She has known for a long time that Brennan and Booth love each other. Whether they are _in love_ with each other, she isn't sure - she suspects they are, and has often considered knocking their heads together until they admit it - but she knows there is a strong bond and a deep caring there. Well, maybe "is" is the wrong tense. There _was _a strong bond there. Now, however, the bond is one-sided.

After Booth woke up, she saw Brennan retreat into her scientific world, talking with the doctors and hiring specialists, talking about his amnesia clinically and impersonally.

She knows better, however. She remembers that Booth and Brennan had discussed having a child, and she overheard Brennan telling Angela that Booth had told her to have his child if he died.

He didn't die, though. He woke up, and instead of Brennan having his child to love, she visits a man who no longer remembers her.

She wonders if it would have been better for Brennan if he had died.

She's sometimes surprised that Brennan hasn't taken a leave of absence and gone off on a dig somewhere, but if there is one thing she has learned about Brennan over the years, it's that she is loyal. Brennan won't leave until Booth has either regained his memory or made a new life for himself without it.

She sees how they interact now - how Brennan flinches almost imperceptibly when Booth calls her "Dr. Brennan", how he looks uninterested when Brennan talks about her work - and remembers how they used to be, constantly challenging and pushing each other to be better. She wonders how long Brennan do this, and knows that, if he remembered, he wouldn't want to hurt Brennan this way.

She wishes she could make it better, but the brain, like the heart, doesn't always do what you want it to.

He's not back at work yet, although he will be starting back on desk duty next week. She wonders if having another purpose will help, or whether it will just take time and energy away from regaining his memory.

She fears that if he doesn't remember, it will tear the team apart.


End file.
